How to Assemble a Medical Care Team that Supports Your Needs
The following is adapted from The Grace of Cancer by Veronica Villanueva.
I learned a hard truth when I was diagnosed with “incurable” stage four cancer. The people around you will shape your journey in one of two ways: they will either support you and bolster your positive mindset or increase your stress and hinder your ability to heal.
It may seem obvious, but your medical care team should always fall into the former category. You need a group of cheerleaders who will get you through the darkest days. This is a two-pronged team: your doctors are there to give you medical support, while your loved ones will give you emotional support. Together, they will ensure your body and mind receive the support they need to work in tandem and heal you.
However, be aware that you need more than well-meaning people on your support team—you need people aligned with your goals. This is your battle, and you get to decide the people you want to fight alongside you. Here’s how to assemble the best team possible.
Find Doctors who Share Your Goals
You should not feel like you must commit to the first doctor who evaluates you. Do your research and find the best oncologist and cancer clinic for you. To get the best treatment possible, you want to find doctors who are on the same page as you as far as your decision to live. For example, you do not want a doctor whose top priority is end-of-life pain treatment when you are determined to beat your illness.
In the early days after my diagnosis, I went through five different doctors before I found the right oncologist for me. The first five insisted I was just another statistic, which I refused to believe. They did not believe I could live. They gave me absolutely no hope.
Finally, I did find a doctor who believed in me. Naturally, he became an important member of my support team. When I first met my oncologist, he never told me I had six months to live, unlike previous doctors. He explained that I was at stage 4, which meant the cancer had metastasized. I liked how he wanted to educate me without passing any judgment. Although he made the facts clear, he did not give me a death sentence. This doctor offered options, which gave me hope.
As you search for doctors, be selective about whom you choose to support and treat you. All your energy should go towards your own healing. Anything that drains your energy, like conflict and pushback from other people, including your doctor, should be eliminated from your life.
Have an Open Mind
When I announced my illness on social media, one man messaged to say a friend of his had recovered from cancer after seeing a naturopathic doctor. Some people would have called me crazy for listening to a stranger, but part of opening yourself up to all possibilities is being non-judgmental and believing in people. I contacted the doctor he recommended, and ever since, she has been my integrative medical doctor.
Although my diagnosis had the word “incurable” attached to it, I never wavered from the idea that I would, one day, be healed. I was committed to being open to any natural cancer therapy, regardless of how bizarre or strange it may have seemed. Not only did I regularly see a Western oncologist, but I was also treated by an integrative doctor.
Naturopathic medicine originated in Europe in the 16th and 17th centuries as a traditional healing modality. The philosophy of naturopathic medicine is based on our body’s amazing ability to heal itself with gentle support from our food, water, and medicines as needed. Instead of focusing on only symptom management, my integrative physician spent time finding the root cause of the illness and treating that imbalance.
I am a firm believer that the most successful things in life are the result of a collaborative effort. Throughout my healing process, I chose to have both a Western oncologist and an integrative doctor. To get the best outcome, I took the best of both worlds. Today I am tumor-free because I kept an open mind and pursued every possible option.
Identify Your Emotional Cheerleaders
When I first learned about my diagnosis, I never expected my friends to become the powerful supportive force they turned out to be. Throughout my journey, they have been my biggest emotional supporters—my cheerleaders and angels.
As empowered people themselves, my friends understood my decision to live and my belief in myself, and they have never treated me like a victim. In fact, they encouraged me to continue being a warrior and keep fighting hard. I chose friends who aligned with my beliefs. I deeply believe that the friends I have are yet another way God is saying, “You are not alone in this journey.”
As my life changed, so did my circle of friends. Surround yourself with the people in your life who believe in you. You may be surprised who steps up and who lets you down. If someone acts as a negative influence on you by discouraging you or criticizing your decisions, you may need to distance yourself from them. You can still listen to what they have to say, but you do not need to follow their advice.
If someone is not on your list of supporters, you do not need to alienate yourself from them completely. They are still part of your world. Instead, you must exercise your muscles of resilience, strength, and belief in yourself. Different people will induce different emotions within you, including fear, helplessness, and disbelief, even if they mean well. Your responsibility is either to muscle up or create the necessary boundaries for your own success.
Realize that Being Family Doesn’t Guarantee Support
My friends turned out to be more supportive than I expected, but the opposite happened with my family. After my diagnosis, I did not see my mother for several months because I knew she had a more negative outlook on my prognosis than I did. If I had allowed her to be around me, she would have spent her time crying, and I did not want to be surrounded by sadness and negativity. At the time, I needed to be my own advocate.
I chose to be open and honest with my mother. My decision to distance myself was not about her, it was about me. As hard as this was for my mother, she understood that this was not a personal attack on her and that the priority was for her daughter to get well. She respected my decision and supported me by praying for me. This was enough for me.
Negative people are not necessarily acting maliciously. They simply cannot control the negative energy they put out, which for the most part, they are not even aware of emitting. If someone cannot support you in your healing stage while you are trying to establish an empowering environment, you should not have them in your life until you can set healthy boundaries.
Don’t Justify Yourself
Throughout this process, you should never have to justify your actions. My oncologist never asked me to justify the treatments I chose to do, which is why I included him on my support team. Justifications are a waste of energy.
Remember, people can be supportive of you without fully understanding what you are doing. You cannot expect everyone to understand. Equally, you cannot expect validation for all your choices. At the end of the day, your care is yours alone. Find the people who will support your choices, and let them join you on your journey.
For more advice on supportive medical care, you can find The Grace of Cancer on Amazon.
Veronica Villanueva discovered her “why” after being diagnosed with stage IV cancer in 2016. She knows she is alive today to share grace, blessings, and the lessons that cancer has taught her. Her “incurable” disease gave her the gift of knowing herself, loving herself, and sharing herself with others in a profound way. Through her work as a trained Cordon Bleu chef and certified health coach, Veronica aims to inspire others to embrace a holistic lifestyle built on a commitment to growth, eating healthy foods, taking the time to create memorable moments, and of course, fostering loving relationships.
