My next mountain to climb…
Almost everyone you meet is fighting a battle, you just don’t know it. I ask you to look at my photos from the last 3 weeks, tell me if you see anything different about me. I think you will agree that I look the same, happy, and at times very silly. Well, something has changed, I just did not know about it until July 30th.
It looks like I have been assigned another mountain to climb. Cancer is back BUT different and easier this time around. It has been almost 4 years since I was given a death sentence after a stage IV incurable metastatic lung cancer diagnosis.
The good news — yes, there is always good news followed by not-so-good news — there is no metastasis and only one visible tumor (half an inch) so it is tiny compared to my previous diagnosis. So because the tumor has not metastasized, my Western oncologist offered some treatment options, unlike the first time in 2016. Very different from the death sentence I was given 4 years ago. Today, I have a choice to either do radiation since the tumor is localized or take an immunotherapy drug that is highly toxic.
My oncologist knew my answer — neither! — before I confidently told him, “Okay, see you at the end of the year for another scan, I will go home and get to work." After my zoom call with him, I knew my life was about to change in a big way again. Change is inevitable, remember?
Cancer changes people. Once you overcome cancer, you are not afraid of almost anything anymore — including if or when the cancer returns.
I wish I could tell you….
About the emotional and physical pain I am supposed to feel;
How broken and angry I am supposed to feel;
How it is perfectly normal to curl up, be depressed and sad;
But truthfully...
Instead, I wish to tell you….
I am a realist and have learned to find comfort, despite knowing that I have a higher risk of recurrence;
Nothing really hurts and worth complaining about: my heart is fuller than ever, yes, my chest feels some pain from the ½” tumor but nothing I can handle;
That it pains my loved ones more to know the disease found its way back in my body, but please believe me when I say that it is not hurting me as I chose to continue to live a phenomenal life;
I continue to have only amazing days full of love and passion as often as I am allowed;
I wake up every morning full of energy, excited and ready to be of service to myself and to others;
I am really not worried as I was prepared for this type of news, as this is part of a Cancer Warrior’s life;
Above all, I am not alone, I am not starting from ground zero, I have built up my muscle of hope and reinforced by all the beautiful things that occurred in my life, as blessings have already been pouring into my life since my 2nd diagnosis;
I am not in denial, I just chose to consciously smile and laugh while I show the cancer that it picked the wrong body - AGAIN!
So my dearest friends, those of us who deal with chronic illnesses can choose to welcome each day knowing that we will be facing challenges. I will not be an exception to this rule. After all, cancer is a disease that tries to destroy you from the inside out. I plan to enjoy life while I gracefully eradicate this invader in my sacred body — that is the only way I know how.
